09 August 2006 Look Out Godwin, Here Comes Edna Does anyone have a flamethrower? I'd like to use it on some of the morons you encounter on the internet please. The scene is a Big Brother discussion forum. Our main players are the OP (Original Poster), Guilt-tripping Moron (GTM) and Edna (your heroine). OP: We need to vote Richard out this week because of the awfully manipulative letter his family sent into the house to be read out on television, telling all about how his mother has cancer. GTM: My grandfather died of cancer. You have offended me! Edna: I'll see your grandfather dying of cancer and raise you a father who died of cancer when I was a year old so I never had the luxury of knowing him or getting letters from him. I didn't think the OP was offensive in what he said. Chorus of Various Forum Morons: Edna is scum! How dare she say such a horrible thing! Burn the witch! GTM: I'm really hurt by what Edna has said, how dare she compare the death of my poor old grandfather to a game of poker. Edna: Oh, I'm sorry - I thought we were playing the game of who can drag out the biggest tragedy in order to make someone feel small. Maybe I find the fact you're using the death of a relative to score points on an internet forum to be more offensive than anything I've said. Enter Forum Admins to quickly delete thread. It's a potted and rewritten version of events from memory but it gives you an idea of what fucks me off about internet forums. When did the rules change that the standard of your debate and retorts didn't matter and the prize went to whoever could drag out the biggest sob story? You can't have an opinion unless you spend half an hour baring your soul first and no matter what you say, you are going to offend some moaning minnie. Mention that you've had a stomach bug and chucked up your dinner and twenty bulimics will be blasting you for taking the piss out their personal trauma. So I'm making a plea that we instate 'Edna's Law'. It's similar to Godwin's Law, under which you immediately lose the argument if you start comparing people to Nazis or Hitler. Under Edna's Law you will automatically lose if you bring dead relatives, disabled relatives, terminally ill relatives, psychological disorders, your frequent vacations to the nut house or your own brave battle with illness into any discussion thread which doesn't ask you to talk about this in the opening post. In an ideal world there would be an extra penalty of a hand coming out the monitor and slapping you across the face, followed by your computer exploding, if you bring your dead/disabled/disturbed/deformed/special needs child into it. The simple fact is that I don't care. Nobody cares and the only reason you get loads of sympathy posts after some of these saccharine outpourings is that people feel obliged to say something nice because they are fucking terrified of looking like they're 'not nice', because these days being told you're not a 'nice person' seems to be akin to getting labelled as a serial killer. And if you think that entry is in poor taste you should have been around a few hours ago when Dave and my brother cracked up at my line that at least I wasn't the one dragging the corpse of a dead grandfather across an internet forum.
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