Picture By Antonio Vargas

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30 September 2002

Duds

Some people not only take me to the fair, they buy me a season ticket for Disneyland.

Last night a couple I taxied attempted to pay me with a dud twenty pound note. Now dud notes are an occupational hazard for cabbies and I'm quite well acquainted with this particular batch of duds.

One of the easiest way to spot them is a printing error, which is what I kept pointing out to the people last night before they finally gave in and paid me with genuine money.

Fast forward to this evening. It's Sunday, I'm working on my own, so I'm taking the phone calls while I'm driving around.

The woman from last night rings up to complain about the taxi driver who said her money wasn't genuine.....She automatically assumed that she was speaking to a radio operator.

So, I listen patiently while she bitches about me before she adds the bit that really cracked me up:

"I know the money was genuine because I showed it to the ice-cream man today and he said it was a real twenty pound note."

The ice-cream man????????

The question of how an ice-cream man can detect real notes from forgeries was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

Her answer was along the lines of what the hell would a lowly taxi-driver know about forged money either. That's when I cracked up completely.

"I'd know more about it than you would, you stupid fucking bitch - now fuck off." Then I hung up on her.

Customer relations? Pfft, that's the only way to handle assholes like that.



Stale Fresh

You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing