2001-08-08 Regaining Confidence After Betrayal Broadly speaking, most people fall into one of two categories, those who can inflict emotional pain and those who find it a lot more difficult to do so. Trouble is we rarely hear from the people who can simply walk away from a situation without so much as a second thought for the damage they may be causing. By their very nature, they're never going to be inclined to give the reasons why they can inflict so much emotional devestation.....by their very nature, they're never going to be able to see how much harm they can cause. We've all came across such people and it takes a very strong person not to let themselves be injured by their actions, but we must be strong or else the damage they inflict will fester for years after they have permanently left our lives. I have come to accept that not everybody in the world is going to like me, no matter how hard I try and, more importantly, I have learnt to see that it's not my problem. As long as there are a few people who get on with me and enjoy my company, I can live with the fact that I won't win any worldwide popularity contests. To be honest, there are people I don't particularly care for - I don't hate them as such, I just know we don't have a lot in common and I'm sure they feel the same way. Then there are people I actively dislike - people who have harmed me in the past. I used to put on a polite face and pass myself with them, then I began to think 'why the hell should I?'. I was only pushing up my own stress levels, so these days I just blatantly ignore them and feel much better for it. ~Please note this does not apply to all those people I'm so longsome at replying to emails to :-)~ However, that's alright when it's someone you don't know so well or have only just met. The real pain comes from those times when a close friend or lover suddenly decides they've had enough of you. Someone you have been very close too, shared hopes and secrets with, planned to have as part of your life for many years to come. How can they suddenly walk away and act as if you have never existed? They're the people I don't understand and like so many others, I have been a victim of such treatment in the past. I've been in the position of asking 'why are they suddenly treating me like this, what did I do wrong?'. Sadly the simple answer is that I probably did nothing wrong, or if I did, then it was up to them to tell me. An innocent remark or action can be taken the wrong way but isn't it always better to ask what was really meant rather than turn your back on someone, cutting them out of your life altogether and forever leaving them to ponder what it was they did do? That's the sensible way, but the lesson we all have to learn is not to let ourselves be hurt by selfish and inconsiderate people who refuse to act in a sensible way. The other important part of the lesson is to accept that we have been fooled by their behaviour up until that point, even though we know we are intelligent, even though we know that usually we are a good judge of character. No-one is infallible and just because we have been fooled into trusting someone who can later hurt us, it does not in itself mean that we are foolish. What we must remember is that we are the better people. We don't need to hurt ourselves or the people we come in contact with just to validate our existence. It is only once we come to accept this that we discover they are the fools and the losers. If someone suddenly blocks you out of their life, by all means grieve for the loss of the friendship for however long it takes because if you didn't, then you would just be as emotionally stunted as they are. Don't, however, let their actions cause the lasting damage of destroying your self-confidence because you will find there are others out there who like you and love you exactly the way you are and they are going to be the people who really matter.
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