2001-08-10 Stuck For Inspiration Sit down at computer and set up blank page. Stare at blank page. Stare some more at blank page. Decide you're not ready to write yet and go play 'Arkanoid' instead. Decide 'Arkanoid' is fixed and the computer is deliberately trying to drive you crazy. Decide to play 'Solitaire' instead. Play 50 straight hands of 'Solitaire' before coming to the conclusion that Microsoft is an evil empire after all. Go back to blank page. Stare some more at blank page as if words will miraculously appear by thought transference. Develop mild headache. Smoke cigarette while viciously blowing nicotine at computer. Sulk. Sulk some more. Decide not to work on empty stomach. Rummage in freezer until a pizza is found, bung in oven and rummage through sink until least dirty plate and cutlery can be found. Swear because there's no hot water. Answer phone. Make polite conversation with mother. Listen to latest family traumas. Remind self how lucky one is not to be living at home anymore. Remind mother 'Eastenders' is about to start. Settle down with Pizza. Carefully cut away the 75 per cent of it which is burnt to a crisp by now, due to mother not being too worried about the size of her phone bill. Throw pizza in bin. Stare longingly at boxes of beer in kitchen. Silently curse Triple 6 for bringing beer into the house while one has a course of antibiotics to finish. Contemplate throwing beer in bin. Decide life is too precious to waste. Decide to spend quality time with pets. Check Fred the cockatiel is alive. Run out of things to do with Fred so look for Gypsy the cat instead. Get spotted by cat who promptly makes a run for it and jumps out of bathroom window. Think about putting a facepack on, but leave it until later. Wander past bedroom, check Triple 6 is still alive. Sit down at computer again, change the background on the blank page. Get completely lost in the settings, switch off and reboot. Stare at blank page. Eat two bags of hula-hoops. Eat another bag of hula-hoops. Wonder if current state of health is due to completely rubbish diet. Switch on television. Fight the urge to slump into coma as article about Northern Ireland Assembly comes on news. Grumble about the amount of money paid for television each month. Watch repeat of 'Friends' for five minutes. Try to stop the words 'anorexic bitch' floating into mind when Jennifer Anniston appears. Go back to computer. Check email. Delete junk mail. No mail left. Curse friends for lack of correspondence. Think about sending mails, decide not to bother. Think about launching MSN messanger. Decide that long, online conversation is not conducive to getting diary updated. Load up Diaryland, read diaries. Get depressed because everyone else is updating. Log off and stare at blank screen. Decide to give 'Arkanoid' one final chance. Five minutes later, go looking for mouse in corner of room where it was thrown in fit of 'Arkanoid' induced temper. Try to learn rules of 'Mah-Jong'. Decide there are no rules or else the computer is making them up as it goes along. Decide 'Mah-Jong' was probably the real curse of the fiendish Fu-Manchu. Suffer moral crisis as conscience tries to work out if that was a racist thought. Wonder if needing things to write about in an online journal is a good enough reason to start a family. Decide against it and double check contraception. Stick free cover disc from computer magazine in disc drive. Look at several hundreds of pictures of animals. Wonder why anyone would possibly want such clip-art. Ponder the connection between the words 'free' and 'crap'. Take out disc and stare at blank page. Stare some more at blank page. Begin typing.......
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