2001-01-29 Moron On Board Ovaries in perfect working order? High sperm count? Then why not advertise the fact by putting a great big fucking notice about it on the back window of your car. Nope, I haven't lost my mind (well not more than normal), just musing about those bloody 'baby on board' signs which seem to be taking over the universe. I drive a lot and I mean a hell of a lot, which also means I spend a good part of my life stuck behind other cars. Please, can't someone come up with something decent to put in their back windows? The Bart Simpson dolls which dropped their trousers were only funny for a while. No, people prefer to advertise the fact they have procreated. I'll be honest here, I don't suddenly become a better driver because I'm sitting behind a car with a baby in it - I try not to crash because it would drive my car insurance costs through the roof. Everybody is the same, because at the end of the day each and every member of the human race is a selfish bastard at heart. So there can be no other reason for those crappy 'Back Off! Baby On Board' signs other than people wanting to shout out the fact they managed to have unprotected sex and have added to the world's overpopulation programme. They should cut the crap and just say 'I'm A Fulfilled Woman Because I Have A Man Who Gave Me Children' or 'I've got nadgers the size of grapefruits, bursting with spermy goodness'. It's getting to epidemic proportions now. They're no longer content with just 'Baby On Board', oh no. Now (and I have seen these) we get treated to 'Slow Down, Mum-To-Be In Car' - and, get this one 'Child On Board'. Christ, what next? 'Spotty, Depressed Teenager On Board'? People of the world unite - we must defeat this menace of smug middle-class values. Forget about sending letter bombs to pest control experts, we should all be out firebombing Mothercare instead.
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