June 6, 2001 More Politics Well, with less than 24 hours to go until the exciting dual elections in Northern Ireland, I finally found out which ward I'm supposed to vote in - and which candidates I can vote for. Big fucking choice (note heavy use of sarcasm). Let's see. 1) The Democratic Unionist Party. Bible bashing fuckwits who famously banned ELO (yes, the band from the 70s) from performing in Ballymena because they were supposedly playing Satanic music. That probably explains why the OzFest has never been held here then. 2) The Ulster Unionist Party. Slightly less Bible bashing, middle-class fuckwits. Supporters of the Good Friday Agreement, which I voted no to. Hate mail me if you want - I got all the grief at the time. 3) An Independent Bible bashing fuckwit whose only policy is to increase the amount of help the scabby heroin addicts who are overrunning Ballymena receive. Shit, thanks to our inept police force, they can already burgle and steal to their heart's content - what more help do they need? 4) The SDLP. Rumoured to stand for 'Still Don't Like Paisley', the SDLP are a nationalist party. Generations of Ulster-Scots ancestors would haunt me in my dreams if I dared vote for them. Not Bible bashers, but still fuckwits. 5) The Progressive Unionist Party. When you look at the election posters of the mugshots of these guys, you get the feeling they should have a number below them. This is because they've all been in prison at some point for various nefarious activities - although they now want to participate in the democratic process. A protestant version of Sinn Fein (who aren't fielding a candidate in my particular ward). Whoopy fucking doo. Hopefully the last time I will vote in local government elections in the Province and look at the wonderful selection I have to choose from. I probably will vote - I think I've made up my mind of the best of a bad bunch - but it's a close call whether or not I just write 'what a pile of shit' across my ballot paper.
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